Don't Cha?
by Just Can't Help Myself
Summary: Cal interrupts Gillian's date...


A/N I don't want this cracksh-t on my account LOL. This may just be the very definition of crackfic. Inspired by The Baseballs' version of The Pussycat Dolls' _Don't Cha_.

Setting: During the time Foster and Burns were dating.

Rating: Rated T, but there is one naughty word. Blame the song for that, not me.

Disclaimer: Don't own Lie to Me, or the song.

Don't Cha?

Gillian smiled as she walked through the club. She hadn't been here for years, but before she got married she and her girlfriends used to spend a lot of time here. Even taking part in the club's entertainment – karaoke. Dave hadn't been entirely thrilled at her suggestion of where they should spend the evening, but after promising him he wouldn't have to sing he'd relented. Now he was here, he wasn't exactly complaining. The club had a good atmosphere, the chairs and sofas dotted around in front of the stage looked very comfortable, the drinks were good and reasonably priced, and Gillian was wearing a figure-hugging blue dress that he hadn't seen before, but now couldn't keep his eyes off.

Having bought drinks they went to sit down, looking up at the stage where two girls were singing - surprisingly in tune – _It's Raining Men. _They settled onto a two seater sofa, and he'd just turned to initiate a conversation when a look of surprise and annoyance crossed his face as he looked over her left shoulder. Reading it, Gillian raised her eyebrows in question, then turned around to see what had perturbed him.

"Alright, darling?"

She didn't even know how to respond to his presence here. How had he known she would be here? Surely it wasn't just a coincidence – there was no way Cal Lightman would ever come to a place like this without a damn good reason, and Gillian had a feeling that for him, she _was _a damn good reason.

"Alright, Dave, how's it going?" He flopped onto the chair next to Gillian, a playful expression on his face. "Nice place this, isn't it? Fancy doing a little number later then, do ya?" he said, looking at Dave. "How about, 'I will always love you?' Reckon Foster here would love to be serenaded, wouldn't you?" She could tell from his voice and posture – not to mention his breath – that he'd already had a fair few drinks. _How many did it take_, she wondered with brief amusement, _before he could bring himself to step into a karaoke bar?_

"What are you doing here, Cal?" she asked, finding her voice. "You hate places like this."

"Places that serve alcohol? Nah, I love 'em."

"You know what I'm talking about, Cal." _You're here following me..._

He grinned at the part of the sentence she hadn't uttered out loud. "I was just in the area, you know..." He gestured in the air. "And I thought, 'now that place looks like fun', so in I came. And then I run into you two. Life's funny, isn't it?"

Gillian just shook her head, shooting Burns a quick 'I'm sorry' look. He sighed and turned away.

"Right then. Time for a bathroom break I think." Cal stood up quickly, stumbled for a second then steadied himself. He grinned down at Gillian. "See you around, love. Bye for now, Burnsy."

She nodded, half irritated and half amused by his latest stunt. While she couldn't deny she appreciated him looking out for her, his constant invasion of her private life was bordering on stalking. _I'll have a word with him later_, she resolved, taking a sip of her drink.

"Sorry," she said to Dave, who exhaled loudly.

"That guy..."

"He's just looking out for me."

"You don't have to make excuses for him, Gillian. And you certainly don't have to apologise for him."

"Don't take it personally." She squeezed his arm, and he returned her smile somewhat reluctantly.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, a special treat for you! I'm sure you'll all enjoy this, especially the ladies out there..." The hostess grinned at them all. "Bringing some English charm and sex appeal to the evening..."

Gillian's head darted up in shock. _Surely not..._

"...and a slightly different take on a... well, perhaps not 'classic', but..." She stepped slightly to the side of the stage, gesturing to her right. "Everyone, let's give a big welcome to... Cal!"

"Oh my god." She didn't know whether to burst out laughing, pinch herself to check it wasn't a dream or sink into the sofa in embarrassment. Beside her, she felt Dave sit up a little straighter, and when she stole a glance at him he looked as baffled as she was.

"Lightman... does karaoke?"

"He... he's never..." She broke off when the music started, and the club's backing singers started 'ooh, ooh'-ing. Then suddenly Cal was singing, and she felt herself floored again. First by the fact that he had a good voice – yet another secret he'd kept hidden, although she supposed there hadn't been that many opportunities before to reveal it – and secondly by the words that came out of his mouth. And the fact that he was looking directly at her.

_I know you like me..._

_I know you do..._

She swallowed, purposefully not looking at Dave.

_That's why whenever I come around_

_He's all over you..._

Cal's eyes were on Dave's arm, draped around Gillian, and his other hand, which clutched hers in his lap, and his grin widened.

_I know you want it, _he continued, allowing his gaze to sweep the room briefly.

_It's easy to see..._

She reflected briefly on the fact that he was singing about things being easy to see, and felt a smile tugging at her lips.

_And in the back of your mind_

_Well I know you should be fucking with me_

She coughed, and took a quick sip of her drink.

_Yeah that's right..._

His eyes returned to Gillian's, and she swallowed again. She felt Dave tighten his grip around her shoulders. "He's singing this to you."

"No, no." She tried to laugh it off. "He's just... he's..."

She looked back to the stage, trying to come up with some explanation of what exactly Cal _was _doing. What he was doing now, she saw, was swaying his hips to the music, feeding off the crowd who, from the sounds of it, were enjoying his performance.

_Don't cha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?_

She spluttered with laughter, and Dave withdrew his arm from her, his jaw clenched.

_Don't cha wish your boyfriend was a freak like me?_

"Freak is right," he muttered, and Gillian put on her best comforting face, rubbing his arm gently.

"It's just a bit of fun."

_Don't cha? Don't cha?_

_Don't cha wish your boyfriend was raw like me?_

His dance moves had become more pronounced and – though she was trying not to notice – more erotic. The girls who had gathered at the front of the stage were lapping it up, whooping and cheering and blowing kisses towards him.

_Don't cha wish your boyfriend was fun like me?_

_Don't cha? Don't cha?_

He allowed his gaze to sweep the room enough to keep up the pretence that he was just singing generally, but his eyes alighted on hers often enough for her to know who the focus of this song was.

_Fight the feeling,_

_Leave it alone..._

She felt herself biting her lip.

_Cause if it ain't love,_

_It just ain't enough to leave a happy home._

_Let's keep it friendly..._

The gesture he added to that line implied far more than friendship, and earned him another round of drunken cheers from his fanclub at the front.

_You have to play fair,_

_See I don't care,_

_But I know he ain't gonna wanna share..._

When Burns saw Cal looking at him at that line, he stood up. "I've had enough of this."

"We can't just leave now," she whispered as Cal resumed the chorus.

"Gillian. Please."

"It's just a bit of fun, he doesn't mean anything by it."

_I know he loves you..._

They both looked up at those words.

_I understand,_

_I'd probably be just as crazy about you_

_If you were my girlfriend..._

"He's already crazy about you," Dave muttered, and Gillian tugged his arm until he sat back down next to her.

_Maybe next lifetime,_

_Possibly..._

There was a look in his eyes when he sang those words, that even at that distance she could see. She couldn't quite read it though... it was like a mixture of hope and regret, if such a thing existed.

_Until then old friend,_

_Your secret is safe with me_

She tried not to show her reaction to the words, instead laughing again as he launched back into the chorus, wiggling his hips and crooning more than ever.

_Well__  
__Don't cha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?__  
__Don't cha wish your boyfriend was a freak like me?__  
__Don't cha? Don't cha?_

She kept the amused smile on her face, shaking her head at the incredulity of the situation. And also trying not to think how hot he _did_ look, shimmying about on stage. Damn him.__

_Well, well, well__  
__I said__  
__Don't cha wish your boyfriend was raw like me?__  
__Don't cha wish your boyfriend was fun like me?__  
__Don't cha__? __Don't cha?___

_Alright,__  
__I said__  
__Don't cha wish your boyfriend was raw like me?__  
__Don't cha wish your boyfriend was fun like me?__  
__I said__  
__Don't cha...__  
__Don't cha...___

_Well, don't cha?_

The girls at the front exploded into more applause than ever, whooping with delight and simultaneously expressing disappointment that the song was over.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Dave said to her, and she turned and nodded. "And when I say that, it's not code for 'I'm going to go and embarrass myself and my business partner on stage', okay?"

She sighed softly. "It wasn't..."

"I'll be a minute." He stalked off towards the restrooms, and Gillian took another sip of her drink, noticing when she glanced up at the stage that Cal had gone. Presumably, he was now somewhere with one of the members of his new fanclub. Probably with more than one of them. She gulped down another mouthful of her cocktail.

"Well?" a voice suddenly said in her ear, making her jump so much she spilled her drink.

"Cal!" He sat down next to her in the seat Burns had vacated. "Interesting performance," she said lightly, her lips turned up slightly, but he just continued to look at her with that penetrating stare of his.

"Well?" he repeated.

"Well, what?"

He gave her a devilish grin, leaning closer until his mouth was inches from hers, his eyes glinting wickedly. "Don't cha?" 


End file.
